Something that happened a few days back made me think about my life, about my friendships with people.

You meet strangers all the time. Some become acquaintances, some friends and a select few become your closet friends - your clique. And even this small group of friends that you're closet to at one point of time changes.

Friends come and go so often, it gets normal. You accept it as a part of life.

But, to just sit around and just take things as they come? Am I doing something wrong by accepting that friends come and go all the time? that it's nothing to be concerned of? Well maybe not wrong, but not right either.

And in every clique, you have that one or two extra special friend/s. The person you share most of your time/thoughts/secrets with. But things aren't always peachy and friends fight.

Friends fight, and turn to other friends for comfort/solace, to rant/bitch - whichever depending on the degree of hostility.

And realising that you don't have that other outlet, but everyone else does? It makes everything more fucked up than it already is. You feel downright lousy and shitty and everything in between.

Call me paranoid, but everyone has their own insecurities. And I realised that day that mine haven't gone away.

Since that friend-stealer debacle in Sec 1.
Since the disastrous fallout in Sec 2 which made me realise for the first time that if ever I have a fight with a close friend, I should be prepared to face the outcome alone.
Since the other horrible fallout in Sec 3, which just confirmed what I learnt in Sec 2.
Fluctutations in Sec 4, being no where in particular.

And let's not even talk about my state of mind in J1.
I guess last year wasn't so bad, except maybe it was. Things were a little better, but well, who the fuck cares about my day when we have the exams to worry about. Something which I guess didn't matter in the other two cases as things went.